Jessey

Two weeks ago, while covering a donation of dog treats to the Military Working Dogs, I learned about one particular K-9, Jessey, who within four short days stole my heart.

To back track, a few months ago I spent a lot of time with the K-9 Unit; learning about their mission, getting to know the dogs, writing a few stories and even allowing myself to overcome my life long fear and be attacked by one. About three weeks ago, I received a call asking if I wanted to cover the treat donation to the kennel. If there is one thing that I have learned about the handlers at the kennel it’s that they always have another story, I just have to dig for it. 

When I arrived to the kennel (slightly late), I noticed one dog freely roaming, which never happens. I manage to catch part of her story.

Her name was Jessey. She had been diagnosed with bone marrow cancer which had caused her to go blind in one eye. Although she was still very active and loved to attack, she was removed from duty due to her vision. Due to her conditions they would eventually put her down, but it was told that it had yet to be determined.

When I got a chance, I spoke to my point of contact, forgetting all about why I was there and focusing all of my attention on Jessey and her story.

I learned that she would be put down in four days.

As I watched all the handlers interact with Jessey, I knew that decision did not come easy and I knew without a doubt that I wanted to write her story. Together, my NCO of photography and I have been working together to capture Jessey’s memory.

On Friday, we spent hours at the kennel capturing photos and observing Jessey with all the handlers, in particular her handler. To see the life that she still had in her despite her vision loss was unbelievable and to know that each handler had their own bond with her was amazing. Monday night was her last dinner where, Jessey was fed a gourmet meal, given a Bud Light toast and was then allowed to attack everyone one last time.

Tuesday morning had to be one of the roughest/most emotional days at work that I’ve ever had. The photographer and I agreed that we would only stay until her handler’s final moments with her and then we would pack up and leave.

As everyone said their final goodbyes, I hid behind a wall using the TV as a distraction from all emotions. It wasn’t until we went down the hall that I realized that I, too, became very fond of Jessey and I could not even begin to imagine what everyone was going through.

The time came when everyone stepped out, leaving us with Jessey and her handler. As I focused on the photos we were taking and the story I would be writing, I looked at the Staff Sergeant and knew that what we were are creating will be all he has left of Jessey besides his memories. Within that though my photographer finished and gave me the nod to grab equipment. We both whispered our goodbyes to Jessey and closed the door as we left the room.

As tears streamed down my face, my photographer looked down at me and said, “damn, that was hard.” I looked up only to see that Jessey touched him just as much as she did me as he began to cry too. 

The Distance

“Never compare your journey with someone else’s. Your journey is YOUR journey; not a competition.” – Author Unknown.

I’ve actually needed some inspiration to find the words for the realization that I have been fighting over the past few weeks. This post has been inspired by several conversations that Duane and I have had lately, but strangely when I have tried to sit down and put those talks and our feelings into words for the “public eye,” I’ve been struggling.

We are approaching the four month mark of being separated and are starting to figure out the “hard parts” of an even farther apart relationship. For the most part we have always been apart—when I went to Washington D.C., when I moved to Kansas City… but those distances were temporary and we usually saw each other every week. Now, we are averaging every month and a half.

We do as much as we can to keep the relationship “normal.” Talk on the phone, text, Skype—we even have dates: watch TV together, he’ll call and tuck me into bed some nights, etc. 

But after I went home in October, I realized that there really wasn’t much “us” time, as there is “everyone” time because going home is now a BIG deal! Everyone is excited to see me, not just Duane. And I am just as excited to see them, but we have such limited time.

The past several weeks I have been so focused on living vi-carelessly through other’s relationships, especially with this time of year coming about. I feel as though all the things Duane and I got to do for the past two years (and made a tradition of) suddenly do not exist.

One of the hardest moments was watching people carve pumpkins together. Aside from dressing up for Halloween with our friends, this is the one thing that we would do. This year, Duane opted out and I just blocked people’s pictures as they appeared on my Facebook.

I can see how some could think it may be childish, but I guess I never really thought of how completely different little moments would be.

I often feel like our lives are being imitated since we can’t participate. Almost like certain people know that we are apart so they are doing the things they know Duane and I would do.. (I think that is just me thinking too much!) But, I am often reminded that I am here for a reason. And that Duane and I have our own special relationship that people cannot imitate.

As cliché as it sounds, Duane is the one person that holds me together. Despite my many “down moments” because of a missed opportunity from being so far away, he is always trying to find a new way to help make us both feel like we are right there.

The distance part of our relationship was nothing new to us. But, it has brought forth several obstacles that we have faced together. I am sure this won’t be the last of them…

“Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.” – Dr. Seuss