The One Vacation I Am Not Seeing an End To

I’ve always considered my life blessed. I never had to try too hard in school, sports came naturally and I’ve been told I’ve been given a gift in writing. Sure, there are struggles but never anything where studying, practicing or simply acting for help couldn’t help.

I went into college with goals. In fact, I strongly remember the day I moved to college saying that, “college was going to be a new beginning for me” and while half of that is saved for another day, I feel like I achieved the goals I set for myself. I earned above a 3.0GPA and graduated a semester early with two majors. I even landed two internships with the Department of Defense. I knew I had the knowledge and potential to reach the goals I set for myself after college. While I never planned to be anyone big, I never dreamed it would be this hard to get there.

March 17^th --Exactly three months since I graduated. I am still living in Maryville, paying rent with my savings and I’ll admit my parents are also helping me, a lot. And, I am jobless. Since about two months before graduation until now, I have applied to nearly 200 jobs. I think it’s safe to say that I do get scared that I am not going to remember the job or catch the company name if someone calls. I have received one offer, offering the same salary to me as they do a person with a GED. Talk about a slap in the face. A phone interview that I was second choice for the job out of 76 people. And, a phone interview in which they told me they would call back to set up a face to face interview and never have. That was over three weeks ago. With today’s technology, all the jobs I have applied for have been online. Usually I never know if they have received my information unless I am luckily to receive a “thank you for applying” email and I never know when the positions are filled because rejections letters/emails are never sent out.

This whole process has made me question a lot of things. I know your priorities change as you grow up and changes occur in your life, but I never thought I would question whether or not I should even try to get a career in what I went to school for.

It seems like everywhere I go people ask if I found a job yet, where am I working or how the job search is going. I am flattered to have so many supportive people in my life, but I feel like a failure when I have to say nope, nope, or not so great. I feel like that kid whom just 30k on an education and isn’t motivated to use their degree. Except little do they know I stress myself out daily to find a job.

A lot of people also say that God has a plan or they tell me to pray. Let me tell you. I have never prayed for something so hard and so much in my life. I am beginning to think God is annoyed with the same old prayer and that this is his way of protesting against me. I know he has a plan. And I know there are more important things in my life to be asking for than a job, so to be honest with you, I backed off on that prayer. I know he has heard and he’ll present when he is ready.

The past few months haven’t been too pretty. I have taken a lot of frustration out on the ones I truly care about and it hurts to know my pain hurts them. I have become weaker and what used to be, “okay, I have applied to a few I want to go do something else now..” has now turned into insecurities, tears and sadness. I enjoyed the first few weeks off without school and work, but now I am ready for my real life to begin.

Search, Search, APPLY! Search, Change cover letter, APPLY!, Check email (even though it didn’t go off), check phone for a missed call/text/voicemail (even though it didn’t go off), Search, Search, And so on..

That’s my day. But, yet, if you told someone I don’t go to school and I don’t work, they get highly jealous and make a big deal about how I don’t do anything with my life and how my life is “so complicated.” Little do they know that not finding a job is more complicated than they think. Even if I try to take a break from job searching I mentally think I am missing a job opportunity. They say my generation is addicted to Facebook, I think it is save to say I am addicted to careerbuilder, journalismjobs, indeed and any other sites I can stumble upon.

I know that life isn’t always easy. I never expect it to be, nor have I wanted it to be. I like the challenges. But, I not ashamed to say that this is one challenge that is getting the best of me.

An Angel Received from Earth

Jesus replied, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand." -John 13:7

I don’t understand why God took you away from us.

I always imagined the day you would come back home. That was the day that our lives would be back to how God originally made them. Little did we know that God had a different plan for you.

I can’t help but to fill my head with questions like why her and why now. To me, you still had so much here to do and so many of us who still needed you. But, obviously God needs you more.

Last week God received an angel from Earth into His Heavens. God has given you a new life. A life free of pain, free of medicines and free of machines. As much as I hurt because you are gone, I know you are finally receiving the life that you have been fighting for.

While we stay here on Earth and continue to keep old memories alive as well as make new ones, I know that someday we will see each other again.

Until that time comes, remember that you will always be remembered and I will never forget you. Please watch down on us as we continue the plans God has for us. I love you and know that you are always in my heart.

Crazy, Tragic, Sometimes almost Magic, Awful, Beautiful Life

As we all know, my sister got married almost a month ago. I took the week off of work to fly home to prepare for everything. Having never seeing inside the building where the ceremony and reception were going to be held, I was really nervous about the whole outcome. I am a more visual person and need to see details to really understand and grasp all that is going to be where.

My first weekend home was her bachelorette party. I had never been to one in my life, but my responsibility was to host it! Nerve racking—let me tell you. The hardest part was dealing with all the input. And it wasn’t really my sister’s input. Many of the girls kept emailing, facebooking and texting asking what we were going to do and or if we could go to this place or that place. Well, after biting my tongue I can finally let it out! Read your invitation people!!! It says what we are going to do and gave specific times. As for if we can go here or there, well is this your bachelorette party?? Last time I checked it wasn’t, so where ever or what ever Kelly wants to do we will do!

Now that I got that out, the party turned out quiet n

ice. We ended up going to Olive Garden where Kelly was surprised visited by Stephanie (our “sister”/nanny growing up). Kelly isn’t one on surprises, but when it came to her getting married, I think we finally snuck in a few surprises without her catching on. J From there we went back to her house where a limo was to pick us up. Kelly was aware of this, but yet another surprise.. It wasn’t a normal limo—it was a stretch Hummer! We ended up going to Power and Light, which ended up turning into the best bachelorette party I have ever thrown and I mean that sincerely.

The rest of the week was full of errands, doctor’s appointments, last minute wedding details, etc. And, of course some fun at the lake.  I think it is now time to mention, Duane.  He was introduced to my parents the first time I came home to surprise Kelly and Brock at their couple’s shower. I later introduced him to Kelly and Brock at the lake when Brock and his parents joined the four of us at the lake the weekend before the wedding. I wasn’t too sure on how that day went with everyone, but I knew I had a great time. By the end of the evening, Kelly had invited Duane to the wedding. I on the other hand was unsure if I should bring him to such a big event.

The day of the rehearsal as we prepared to head to the city, Kelly again invited Duane to the wedding saying she had a spot reserved for him. So, now you know how we came to the conclusion of me bringing a date. Rehearsal went well. I had more of a visual of what the day would actually look like. The only flaw was my video that I had spent plane rides and multiple days doing didn’t work. But we won’t go there. All I will say is I am grateful to have my family to vent to and who are there for support. Oh, but it was the DVD player.. not my work.

The wedding turned into a success. Getting ready started at 9 a.m. All the set up begin with chair covers down to placing party favors. Soon, Kelly was restricted to the girl’s dressing room and hair and makeup were underway. Next came 100-degree weather and outdoor photos, followed by multiple touch ups and then the actual event where it was slightly delayed due to an overflow of people. But, not to worry everything turn out amazing and beautiful even if we lied to Kelly saying her dress was all the way bustled and it wasn’t.

And now I have a brother!

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Since being back from my week home, work has picked up. We are pushing forward o

n a new website for orientation and things are speeding up as well as the time flying by.

But the weekends have been a bit more interesting. Two weeks ago, mom came out to visit. We took a 24-hour trip to NYC because she had never been before.  So, I planned a short trip there and tried to make it as stress free as possible for her. Only mom never predicted SO many people there so it was hard to be enjoying when 184 languages were being spoken around you and millions of people walk around at their own pace.

I believe we did have a fairly decent time, except in Brooklyn where the tour guide just rambled on and on about how great it was. And of course just because I had a great experience in the hotel last year doesn’t mean I will this time. All night long people screamed and slammed doors in the hallway. At one point someone tried entering our room and security came to our floor multiple times. We ended up getting a “discount” which strangling only was the tax and like 5 dollars taken off, but at least it was some.  New York City definitely makes D.C. feel calm and less populated.

This past weekend Duane came out to D.C. to visit. He has been out here twice with his family so I didn’t have to give the basic tour, on which monument was which, and so on.  But, let’s take a step back. Duane has never flown before. So, his first flight was out here to visit me for about 5 days. He was to arrive at 3:58, which earlier that day turned into 4:20 and then not knowing a time until he arrived at 8:30 p.m. He was on his way here when a thunderstorm hit; they tried to keep circling, but then started running low on fuel and had to land in Pittsburg. Talk about an experience. Then by the time we got to my apartment we had no electricity or A/C. And did I mention the cab drive got lost! Talk about pricey. And yes, Duane’s first cab ride as well!

The rest of the weekend went well. We toured the Newseum and the Holocaust Museum. We walked through the National Mall, each day had either popsicles or ice cream, went through the Smithsonian Castle and of course anything we found interesting we stopped to look at.

Did I mention things went well?? Well, for the most part they did, but Friday evening eh, we are pushing the term “well.” We went to the grocery store and on the bus ride home we grabbed all the groceries to get off the bus; however, I left my bus pass and keys ON the bus. Bad idea. We never got them back. So after a slight panic—ok not so slight—we finally got a lock out key and paid for a new key. So, it wasn’t horrible, but it would happen to Duane (a person who had never rode a bus before) and me. Oh, and he never took a train until this weekend too! The weekend was full of a lot of experiences for him.

Overall, it was a great weekend for the two of us and a really needed weekend after only seeing each other a few times, but me always being busy.

Now, I have a little over a week left out here and then a whole new world begins for me. I’ll be going into my last semester of college, which means a lot of preparing and figuring out what to do with my “life after college.”  We’ll see what’s in store for me. 

Out here, it's like I'm someone else.

Wow. Time has definitely gotten away from me. I have already been out here for almost two months! The summer has been extremely busy, but I can’t say that I would change any of it.

I am doing the same internship that I did last summer, in the Communications Office at DoDEA HQ. I have been busy from day one, but it is still a great experience and I am learning so much. My big project while here is to create a website for new hires to gain information and training materials. Some of the process seems over my head when it comes to coding, but I think it’s coming a long pretty well. Our goal is to have it complete by the time I leave. I have also gotten the chance to experience a little public affairs work. I am writing content for our annual report as well as our Back to School guide for parents. The other day, the interns were sent out in the field to shoot some b-roll of a former DoDEA student who is now attending George Washington University. I was great to put my camera skills to work and our end product was sent to our office in Okinawa to be used. Lately, I have been doing a lot of video editing for a project that the Communications department is taking to the World Wide Administration Conference. It’s amazing to be part of something so big and watch it come together. All of these tasks have taught me a lot through the process, which was my ultimate goal—learn as much as you can. Oh, and I personally met the Acting Deputy under the Secretary of Defense! Second goal, meet as many people/connections as you can.

As for sightseeing—well I haven’t done much yet. Summer school started about two weeks after I got out here. I decided this summer I would take two online classes while working. I knew it would be a struggle, but I was up for the challenge. My Communication Law class has really fascinated me. I have learned so much from and all along I was afraid I would be clueless! I am also taking an Editing class. Between working, online discussions, papers, assignments, quizzes and tests—I haven’t had much time to do much. But, the classes are wrapping up now and I must say I don’t know what I will do with all my free time once it’s over.

And then there is the apartment. I can honestly say I am enjoying the summer so much more by having my own apartment. The place is actually quite nice. I can cook when I want (usually microwavable things unless it’s Mac & Cheese or spaghetti), go to bed when I feel like it and the location is pretty convenient. I usually walk to the grocery store, Target or Old Navy and pending on what I get, I time it with the bus schedule so I am done just in time to catch the bus home. So far, it’s working pretty well. Right behind my building is a community center. I learned that they had a free weight room and gym if you lived in the neighborhood. Although I was given 90 free at the YMCA, it was about 2 miles away and I have to plan my workouts with the bus schedule. With the community center I just walk out the back door and I am there. It’s kind of nice and not bad for being free!

I got to go home last weekend. It was my sister’s “couples shower” that I wasn’t technically invited too because she didn’t want me to feel obligated to come home for it. So, being the Maid of Honor, I decided to surprise her. I booked a flight and came home for the weekend. Of course she called when I was about five minutes from home. She wanted to know what I was doing—so I fibbed and said, “just getting off work.” Yeah, she fell for it. So after Toy Story 3 in 3D on Friday night, we went to her shower on Saturday. We got there before her and her fiancé. My parents bolted from the car in order to keep me hidden. Surprisingly it worked. About 10 minutes later my Mom came to get me, and of course my sister had to follow. Once she finally sent her away I followed my mom into the house. My sister finally saw me and she was shocked! I think that is the only time in her life she has never caught on to something… besides her proposal. Of course, her fiancé was excited as well. Both confused to how I got there, but so glad I could be apart of the evening.

I returned back to D.C. on Sunday. I have about two and a half weeks of work and then I fly home again for the wedding. This event has come a lot faster than I ever imagined, but I can’t wait to be there and see my family again.

I wasn’t too sad about leaving home and coming back out here after the weekend, but as the week has went on I have slowly noticed myself getting homesick. I know I am putting a lot of pressure on myself going into the final days of summer school so I suspect things’ changing once that is complete.

But, for now, I am enjoying this amazing opportunity that I was given again and am very excited about things to come.

Back to D.C. Twenty-Ten.

After falling for a hoax for an apartment back in February, I finally landed my very own apartment in D.C. where mom helped me get settled in last weekend. The rent is more than the space itself but the place isn’t all that bad.

I have a studio apartment, but it isn’t like a typical studio that you might be thinking. My bedroom/living room/ dining room all connect; however, I have an entryway closet, a HUGE walk in closet and a galley kitchen. Oh and a bathroom off the closet area. It’s actually quite enough space for me and if needed two people could live here comfortably.

Since it’s a studio.. mom and I did a little rearranging before moving in all my suitcases. We separated the open area to make it more distinct areas like “a living room” and a bedroom” etc. It turned out nice. We paid extra to have it come fully furnished. To our surprise they set it all up for us too. We came ready to unpack boxes of dishes and towels, but it was already done for us!

Here is the apartment!

Since move in was so easy, mom and I took a little road trip. To my surprise we ended up in Maryland one day at the Chesapeake Bay. We crossed the Chesapeake Bay Bridge which is the longest bridge in the world. That was pretty cool. Then we traveled almost 2 hours to the Atlantic Ocean! My favorite place in the entire world! It was cold but I still enjoyed it.



On the way back we tried to swing by Iwo Jima at night, the one monument here that you cannot see by bus or subway--- and it happens to be the one I am most fascinated by.

I finally picked up Iwo Jima on the Garmin so we hit “GO!” little did we know we it would take us over an hour to arrive 1.4 miles. Every time we went right it said recalculating. When we went left it recalculated. We made four attempts at the same off ramp and when we finally did it right! It said RECALCULATING!

It was frustrating. So frustrating that mom is now famous by saying this quote out of pure anger, “Why doesn’t she stop f***ing texting and tell us where to go!”

Yes, that really happened.. and it wasn’t a joke she was serious. I couldn’t help but laugh..

But, we finally made it!

And we successfully made it back the next day too!

Overall what did I learn while my mom was here?

Well, I learned that you can’t sight seeing in D.C. when driving a car because the traffic drives too fast. If you slow down to look or figure out where you are, you get honked at.

I also learned that you can drive faster than a G.P.S.

All in all, you have to drive fast to avoid getting honked at which makes a G.P.S. not useful which means you will always be lost! (Welcome to my life!) Maybe take the bus?

Work starts tomorrow… Welcome summer!

Between Heaven and Earth

About three weeks ago I finally got in my first flying lesson. Strangely, I was never really nervous. I feel like I lost that emotion awhile ago. I did; however, have about every thought imaginable run through my head.

What if I don't understand what I am suppose?

What if I don't comprehend things?

What if I crash?

And so on. Just the basic I don't know what I got myself into, but still eager to try it. But there was no butterflies in my stomach or thought of backing out.

The first hour of the session consisted of me sitting down with the instructor and learning how a plan so heavy can fly, learning the gauges, hearing examples of stories of previous students and of course the whole check EVERYTHING with your plane before flying. And when I say everything I really do mean everything. One little screw missing or a small dent a wing or prop and the whole plane is messed up.

The plane is pretty cool. There are two sets of controls so my instructor has a set and then I have a set. So finally, I am sitting there in the four seater plane in the cock-pit waiting to taxi.

Few basic 'need to knows' when trying to fly a plane:
* You steer with your feet pedals when taxing. But, both feet pushing the top of the foot pedals is your break.
* You also have a steering wheel which helps in the sky;however,
- To turn left, you turn with the wheel and a little left foot pedal.
- To turn right, you turn with your right foot pedal and a little steering wheel to the LEFT.
* Your steering wheel moves in and out. This allows the plane to climb or descend.
- Push in to drop the nose of your plane.
- Pull out to raise the nose of your plane.
* There is also the throttle, trim, about 9 gauges and more.

Sound complicated? Well, it is. But you eventually get the hang of it.

My first flight I wasn't allowed to take off and landings, but I did try to taxi when we landed. Hint: TRY. My instructor soon took over that one. Once in the sky though we went over a few of the basics and I got the fly the plane all alone! A bunch of multitasking and I flew in a 'semi' straight line. Soon, I made a few turns but the first flight mainly consisted of getting a feel for the plane and the movements so straight lines and a few turns. And then we landed.

Today, was flight lesson number 2. Of course the inspection of the whole plane occurred before take off, but after that things were a lot different than the first flight.

I got to announce over the radio to other planes with radios and towers that we were taking off! It was a mouth full and I messed up the ending but it was super cool. Someday I'll get it down where I sound like the pilots do when they speak to their passengers.

From there we were off! The winds were a bit rough today and I got to experience "air road bumps" but I also got to see everything without snow on the ground. Once I finally adjusted to the winds we practiced a few things: inclines from 2500ft to about 3500ft, and of course what goes up must come down so I learned that too. We did that about 3 times. I also got to do quite a few 180 degree turns and actually learned how to steer with my feet.

My instructor said I was progressing well. I even got to take the plane clear up to the runway, BUT I didn't get to land it. From there I taxied the plane back up the runway and I started off shaky because it's a lot to do with your feet, but by the end I was going really straight!

My instructor said that the next time I fly I will be learning "S" turns and stalls. Hopefully I can get in again this week.

I still can't see myself flying all alone without anyone in there to save me if I forget something, but everyone says once I get a few hours under my belt I will be. We will see about that!

My new apartment in DC!!

Or the lack of...

Back in February I posted an ad on craiglist stating I was looking for a place to stay for the summer. I had several inquiries (some OK and some just creepy). A few days after I posted the ad I received an email from someone who was looking for a summer roommate. She was my age, my personality, had a stable job, sent pictures of the apartment with dimensions, said that we didn't have to be friends but she needed help on the rent.

I thought I was the perfect canadite for this room. We exchanged a lot of information about ourselves to see if we both thought we would work personality wise. Soon, we agreed that we wanted to live with each other and she sent me a contract drawn up by her attorney.

She wanted a $600 deposit and $600 for the first months rent, but my mom and I agreed to make a visit during my spring break to meet the roommate and see the apartment before I gave all the money. So I sent a moneygram to her attorney to hold my spot.

I figured this was normal. I mean all the times I looked at apartments in Maryville they requested a deposit and some even asked for the first months rents straight up. Even on my apartment in Maryville I put down a deposit like 3 months before I moved in to ensure my spot.

Once I received the contract drawn up by the attorney I had an attorney glance over it to make sure it seemed OK. We made a few minor changes and I emailed her a signed copy back as well as sent a moneygram.

From there, she stayed in contact. She added me on MSN Messenger and we sent emails back and forth. I was busy constantly with school so there wasn't a ton of communication, but there still was some.

About a week before my spring break came I emailed her to remind her I was coming out this weekend. She said it wouldn't be a problem and that she was more than willing to meet me and show me the apartment.

My mom and I flew out to D.C. on Friday night. It was a low elevation flight due to bad weather, but the lights over D.C. were beautiful.

On Saturday, mom and I woke with the notation to meet her at 11am. After we ate breakfast we made a quick stop to the room where I grabbed the camera and we wrote down all the information needed for the apartment. Leaving behind the contract and copy of the moneygram.

We managed to find our way to the apartment after getting turned around a few times and having to detour for construction.

When we walked up to the front door of the "condo" we had to wait at the door to be buzzed in. Once we walked in we proceeded to the front desk where I had to tell the desk clerk who I was wanting to see. I said my "future roommates" name and the lady said, "we don't have anyone by that name."

I told her my reasoning for being at the condos and she said that the room we were looking at had two females not by that name there, but was willing to let us go up and knock on the door. We did and of course, no answer.

From there we went back to the front door where the lady told us to call the police. Before we did we caught a cab back to the hotel and grabbed the contract, moneygram, and printed all the emails between her and I. (Cab=$20)

We then caught another cab back to the condo ($20) where we called and waited on the police to arrive.

As we waited for the police to arrive, mom looked through the classified newspaper section for other housing options. Everything is so expensive! But, we came across a housing option for summer housing/interns. We called and they allowed us to come look, but before we did we spoke with the police.

The police pretty much laughed at us. Yes, I know we made a mistake, but I am in Missouri and need a place to stay in D.C. I can't just go check out every option that comes available. Plus, everyone that I have asked for advice on housing has told me to use craiglists.

Anyways, the police tried to tell us the grammar on the emails was our first clue that it would be a hoax. I said that it was how today's generations writes. (it really wasn't THAT bad) and mom told him that we didn't know if I was speaking to a foreigner because 80% of D.C. area is foreigners. The police just laughed, called us wrong and questioned where I actually I was from because my ID said one place but yet my moneygram came from walmart near school.

There wasn't anything we could do at that point. The police left without taking a police report. So mom and I caught another cab ($20) to the house we called on. The rent is double than what I originally thought I was going to pay. It is a studio apartment and to be honest it was a nice apartment.

I can't apply for it until closer to my move date because they have so many people that come and go, but the lady pretty much guaranteed a place for me. She said she has a lot of interns over the summer.

I am still not sure what I am going to do, but at least we know that there are still options.