The Distance

“Never compare your journey with someone else’s. Your journey is YOUR journey; not a competition.” – Author Unknown.

I’ve actually needed some inspiration to find the words for the realization that I have been fighting over the past few weeks. This post has been inspired by several conversations that Duane and I have had lately, but strangely when I have tried to sit down and put those talks and our feelings into words for the “public eye,” I’ve been struggling.

We are approaching the four month mark of being separated and are starting to figure out the “hard parts” of an even farther apart relationship. For the most part we have always been apart—when I went to Washington D.C., when I moved to Kansas City… but those distances were temporary and we usually saw each other every week. Now, we are averaging every month and a half.

We do as much as we can to keep the relationship “normal.” Talk on the phone, text, Skype—we even have dates: watch TV together, he’ll call and tuck me into bed some nights, etc. 

But after I went home in October, I realized that there really wasn’t much “us” time, as there is “everyone” time because going home is now a BIG deal! Everyone is excited to see me, not just Duane. And I am just as excited to see them, but we have such limited time.

The past several weeks I have been so focused on living vi-carelessly through other’s relationships, especially with this time of year coming about. I feel as though all the things Duane and I got to do for the past two years (and made a tradition of) suddenly do not exist.

One of the hardest moments was watching people carve pumpkins together. Aside from dressing up for Halloween with our friends, this is the one thing that we would do. This year, Duane opted out and I just blocked people’s pictures as they appeared on my Facebook.

I can see how some could think it may be childish, but I guess I never really thought of how completely different little moments would be.

I often feel like our lives are being imitated since we can’t participate. Almost like certain people know that we are apart so they are doing the things they know Duane and I would do.. (I think that is just me thinking too much!) But, I am often reminded that I am here for a reason. And that Duane and I have our own special relationship that people cannot imitate.

As cliché as it sounds, Duane is the one person that holds me together. Despite my many “down moments” because of a missed opportunity from being so far away, he is always trying to find a new way to help make us both feel like we are right there.

The distance part of our relationship was nothing new to us. But, it has brought forth several obstacles that we have faced together. I am sure this won’t be the last of them…

“Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.” – Dr. Seuss