Crazy, Tragic, Sometimes almost Magic, Awful, Beautiful Life

As we all know, my sister got married almost a month ago. I took the week off of work to fly home to prepare for everything. Having never seeing inside the building where the ceremony and reception were going to be held, I was really nervous about the whole outcome. I am a more visual person and need to see details to really understand and grasp all that is going to be where.

My first weekend home was her bachelorette party. I had never been to one in my life, but my responsibility was to host it! Nerve racking—let me tell you. The hardest part was dealing with all the input. And it wasn’t really my sister’s input. Many of the girls kept emailing, facebooking and texting asking what we were going to do and or if we could go to this place or that place. Well, after biting my tongue I can finally let it out! Read your invitation people!!! It says what we are going to do and gave specific times. As for if we can go here or there, well is this your bachelorette party?? Last time I checked it wasn’t, so where ever or what ever Kelly wants to do we will do!

Now that I got that out, the party turned out quiet n

ice. We ended up going to Olive Garden where Kelly was surprised visited by Stephanie (our “sister”/nanny growing up). Kelly isn’t one on surprises, but when it came to her getting married, I think we finally snuck in a few surprises without her catching on. J From there we went back to her house where a limo was to pick us up. Kelly was aware of this, but yet another surprise.. It wasn’t a normal limo—it was a stretch Hummer! We ended up going to Power and Light, which ended up turning into the best bachelorette party I have ever thrown and I mean that sincerely.

The rest of the week was full of errands, doctor’s appointments, last minute wedding details, etc. And, of course some fun at the lake.  I think it is now time to mention, Duane.  He was introduced to my parents the first time I came home to surprise Kelly and Brock at their couple’s shower. I later introduced him to Kelly and Brock at the lake when Brock and his parents joined the four of us at the lake the weekend before the wedding. I wasn’t too sure on how that day went with everyone, but I knew I had a great time. By the end of the evening, Kelly had invited Duane to the wedding. I on the other hand was unsure if I should bring him to such a big event.

The day of the rehearsal as we prepared to head to the city, Kelly again invited Duane to the wedding saying she had a spot reserved for him. So, now you know how we came to the conclusion of me bringing a date. Rehearsal went well. I had more of a visual of what the day would actually look like. The only flaw was my video that I had spent plane rides and multiple days doing didn’t work. But we won’t go there. All I will say is I am grateful to have my family to vent to and who are there for support. Oh, but it was the DVD player.. not my work.

The wedding turned into a success. Getting ready started at 9 a.m. All the set up begin with chair covers down to placing party favors. Soon, Kelly was restricted to the girl’s dressing room and hair and makeup were underway. Next came 100-degree weather and outdoor photos, followed by multiple touch ups and then the actual event where it was slightly delayed due to an overflow of people. But, not to worry everything turn out amazing and beautiful even if we lied to Kelly saying her dress was all the way bustled and it wasn’t.

And now I have a brother!

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Since being back from my week home, work has picked up. We are pushing forward o

n a new website for orientation and things are speeding up as well as the time flying by.

But the weekends have been a bit more interesting. Two weeks ago, mom came out to visit. We took a 24-hour trip to NYC because she had never been before.  So, I planned a short trip there and tried to make it as stress free as possible for her. Only mom never predicted SO many people there so it was hard to be enjoying when 184 languages were being spoken around you and millions of people walk around at their own pace.

I believe we did have a fairly decent time, except in Brooklyn where the tour guide just rambled on and on about how great it was. And of course just because I had a great experience in the hotel last year doesn’t mean I will this time. All night long people screamed and slammed doors in the hallway. At one point someone tried entering our room and security came to our floor multiple times. We ended up getting a “discount” which strangling only was the tax and like 5 dollars taken off, but at least it was some.  New York City definitely makes D.C. feel calm and less populated.

This past weekend Duane came out to D.C. to visit. He has been out here twice with his family so I didn’t have to give the basic tour, on which monument was which, and so on.  But, let’s take a step back. Duane has never flown before. So, his first flight was out here to visit me for about 5 days. He was to arrive at 3:58, which earlier that day turned into 4:20 and then not knowing a time until he arrived at 8:30 p.m. He was on his way here when a thunderstorm hit; they tried to keep circling, but then started running low on fuel and had to land in Pittsburg. Talk about an experience. Then by the time we got to my apartment we had no electricity or A/C. And did I mention the cab drive got lost! Talk about pricey. And yes, Duane’s first cab ride as well!

The rest of the weekend went well. We toured the Newseum and the Holocaust Museum. We walked through the National Mall, each day had either popsicles or ice cream, went through the Smithsonian Castle and of course anything we found interesting we stopped to look at.

Did I mention things went well?? Well, for the most part they did, but Friday evening eh, we are pushing the term “well.” We went to the grocery store and on the bus ride home we grabbed all the groceries to get off the bus; however, I left my bus pass and keys ON the bus. Bad idea. We never got them back. So after a slight panic—ok not so slight—we finally got a lock out key and paid for a new key. So, it wasn’t horrible, but it would happen to Duane (a person who had never rode a bus before) and me. Oh, and he never took a train until this weekend too! The weekend was full of a lot of experiences for him.

Overall, it was a great weekend for the two of us and a really needed weekend after only seeing each other a few times, but me always being busy.

Now, I have a little over a week left out here and then a whole new world begins for me. I’ll be going into my last semester of college, which means a lot of preparing and figuring out what to do with my “life after college.”  We’ll see what’s in store for me. 

Out here, it's like I'm someone else.

Wow. Time has definitely gotten away from me. I have already been out here for almost two months! The summer has been extremely busy, but I can’t say that I would change any of it.

I am doing the same internship that I did last summer, in the Communications Office at DoDEA HQ. I have been busy from day one, but it is still a great experience and I am learning so much. My big project while here is to create a website for new hires to gain information and training materials. Some of the process seems over my head when it comes to coding, but I think it’s coming a long pretty well. Our goal is to have it complete by the time I leave. I have also gotten the chance to experience a little public affairs work. I am writing content for our annual report as well as our Back to School guide for parents. The other day, the interns were sent out in the field to shoot some b-roll of a former DoDEA student who is now attending George Washington University. I was great to put my camera skills to work and our end product was sent to our office in Okinawa to be used. Lately, I have been doing a lot of video editing for a project that the Communications department is taking to the World Wide Administration Conference. It’s amazing to be part of something so big and watch it come together. All of these tasks have taught me a lot through the process, which was my ultimate goal—learn as much as you can. Oh, and I personally met the Acting Deputy under the Secretary of Defense! Second goal, meet as many people/connections as you can.

As for sightseeing—well I haven’t done much yet. Summer school started about two weeks after I got out here. I decided this summer I would take two online classes while working. I knew it would be a struggle, but I was up for the challenge. My Communication Law class has really fascinated me. I have learned so much from and all along I was afraid I would be clueless! I am also taking an Editing class. Between working, online discussions, papers, assignments, quizzes and tests—I haven’t had much time to do much. But, the classes are wrapping up now and I must say I don’t know what I will do with all my free time once it’s over.

And then there is the apartment. I can honestly say I am enjoying the summer so much more by having my own apartment. The place is actually quite nice. I can cook when I want (usually microwavable things unless it’s Mac & Cheese or spaghetti), go to bed when I feel like it and the location is pretty convenient. I usually walk to the grocery store, Target or Old Navy and pending on what I get, I time it with the bus schedule so I am done just in time to catch the bus home. So far, it’s working pretty well. Right behind my building is a community center. I learned that they had a free weight room and gym if you lived in the neighborhood. Although I was given 90 free at the YMCA, it was about 2 miles away and I have to plan my workouts with the bus schedule. With the community center I just walk out the back door and I am there. It’s kind of nice and not bad for being free!

I got to go home last weekend. It was my sister’s “couples shower” that I wasn’t technically invited too because she didn’t want me to feel obligated to come home for it. So, being the Maid of Honor, I decided to surprise her. I booked a flight and came home for the weekend. Of course she called when I was about five minutes from home. She wanted to know what I was doing—so I fibbed and said, “just getting off work.” Yeah, she fell for it. So after Toy Story 3 in 3D on Friday night, we went to her shower on Saturday. We got there before her and her fiancé. My parents bolted from the car in order to keep me hidden. Surprisingly it worked. About 10 minutes later my Mom came to get me, and of course my sister had to follow. Once she finally sent her away I followed my mom into the house. My sister finally saw me and she was shocked! I think that is the only time in her life she has never caught on to something… besides her proposal. Of course, her fiancé was excited as well. Both confused to how I got there, but so glad I could be apart of the evening.

I returned back to D.C. on Sunday. I have about two and a half weeks of work and then I fly home again for the wedding. This event has come a lot faster than I ever imagined, but I can’t wait to be there and see my family again.

I wasn’t too sad about leaving home and coming back out here after the weekend, but as the week has went on I have slowly noticed myself getting homesick. I know I am putting a lot of pressure on myself going into the final days of summer school so I suspect things’ changing once that is complete.

But, for now, I am enjoying this amazing opportunity that I was given again and am very excited about things to come.

Back to D.C. Twenty-Ten.

After falling for a hoax for an apartment back in February, I finally landed my very own apartment in D.C. where mom helped me get settled in last weekend. The rent is more than the space itself but the place isn’t all that bad.

I have a studio apartment, but it isn’t like a typical studio that you might be thinking. My bedroom/living room/ dining room all connect; however, I have an entryway closet, a HUGE walk in closet and a galley kitchen. Oh and a bathroom off the closet area. It’s actually quite enough space for me and if needed two people could live here comfortably.

Since it’s a studio.. mom and I did a little rearranging before moving in all my suitcases. We separated the open area to make it more distinct areas like “a living room” and a bedroom” etc. It turned out nice. We paid extra to have it come fully furnished. To our surprise they set it all up for us too. We came ready to unpack boxes of dishes and towels, but it was already done for us!

Here is the apartment!

Since move in was so easy, mom and I took a little road trip. To my surprise we ended up in Maryland one day at the Chesapeake Bay. We crossed the Chesapeake Bay Bridge which is the longest bridge in the world. That was pretty cool. Then we traveled almost 2 hours to the Atlantic Ocean! My favorite place in the entire world! It was cold but I still enjoyed it.



On the way back we tried to swing by Iwo Jima at night, the one monument here that you cannot see by bus or subway--- and it happens to be the one I am most fascinated by.

I finally picked up Iwo Jima on the Garmin so we hit “GO!” little did we know we it would take us over an hour to arrive 1.4 miles. Every time we went right it said recalculating. When we went left it recalculated. We made four attempts at the same off ramp and when we finally did it right! It said RECALCULATING!

It was frustrating. So frustrating that mom is now famous by saying this quote out of pure anger, “Why doesn’t she stop f***ing texting and tell us where to go!”

Yes, that really happened.. and it wasn’t a joke she was serious. I couldn’t help but laugh..

But, we finally made it!

And we successfully made it back the next day too!

Overall what did I learn while my mom was here?

Well, I learned that you can’t sight seeing in D.C. when driving a car because the traffic drives too fast. If you slow down to look or figure out where you are, you get honked at.

I also learned that you can drive faster than a G.P.S.

All in all, you have to drive fast to avoid getting honked at which makes a G.P.S. not useful which means you will always be lost! (Welcome to my life!) Maybe take the bus?

Work starts tomorrow… Welcome summer!

Between Heaven and Earth

About three weeks ago I finally got in my first flying lesson. Strangely, I was never really nervous. I feel like I lost that emotion awhile ago. I did; however, have about every thought imaginable run through my head.

What if I don't understand what I am suppose?

What if I don't comprehend things?

What if I crash?

And so on. Just the basic I don't know what I got myself into, but still eager to try it. But there was no butterflies in my stomach or thought of backing out.

The first hour of the session consisted of me sitting down with the instructor and learning how a plan so heavy can fly, learning the gauges, hearing examples of stories of previous students and of course the whole check EVERYTHING with your plane before flying. And when I say everything I really do mean everything. One little screw missing or a small dent a wing or prop and the whole plane is messed up.

The plane is pretty cool. There are two sets of controls so my instructor has a set and then I have a set. So finally, I am sitting there in the four seater plane in the cock-pit waiting to taxi.

Few basic 'need to knows' when trying to fly a plane:
* You steer with your feet pedals when taxing. But, both feet pushing the top of the foot pedals is your break.
* You also have a steering wheel which helps in the sky;however,
- To turn left, you turn with the wheel and a little left foot pedal.
- To turn right, you turn with your right foot pedal and a little steering wheel to the LEFT.
* Your steering wheel moves in and out. This allows the plane to climb or descend.
- Push in to drop the nose of your plane.
- Pull out to raise the nose of your plane.
* There is also the throttle, trim, about 9 gauges and more.

Sound complicated? Well, it is. But you eventually get the hang of it.

My first flight I wasn't allowed to take off and landings, but I did try to taxi when we landed. Hint: TRY. My instructor soon took over that one. Once in the sky though we went over a few of the basics and I got the fly the plane all alone! A bunch of multitasking and I flew in a 'semi' straight line. Soon, I made a few turns but the first flight mainly consisted of getting a feel for the plane and the movements so straight lines and a few turns. And then we landed.

Today, was flight lesson number 2. Of course the inspection of the whole plane occurred before take off, but after that things were a lot different than the first flight.

I got to announce over the radio to other planes with radios and towers that we were taking off! It was a mouth full and I messed up the ending but it was super cool. Someday I'll get it down where I sound like the pilots do when they speak to their passengers.

From there we were off! The winds were a bit rough today and I got to experience "air road bumps" but I also got to see everything without snow on the ground. Once I finally adjusted to the winds we practiced a few things: inclines from 2500ft to about 3500ft, and of course what goes up must come down so I learned that too. We did that about 3 times. I also got to do quite a few 180 degree turns and actually learned how to steer with my feet.

My instructor said I was progressing well. I even got to take the plane clear up to the runway, BUT I didn't get to land it. From there I taxied the plane back up the runway and I started off shaky because it's a lot to do with your feet, but by the end I was going really straight!

My instructor said that the next time I fly I will be learning "S" turns and stalls. Hopefully I can get in again this week.

I still can't see myself flying all alone without anyone in there to save me if I forget something, but everyone says once I get a few hours under my belt I will be. We will see about that!

My new apartment in DC!!

Or the lack of...

Back in February I posted an ad on craiglist stating I was looking for a place to stay for the summer. I had several inquiries (some OK and some just creepy). A few days after I posted the ad I received an email from someone who was looking for a summer roommate. She was my age, my personality, had a stable job, sent pictures of the apartment with dimensions, said that we didn't have to be friends but she needed help on the rent.

I thought I was the perfect canadite for this room. We exchanged a lot of information about ourselves to see if we both thought we would work personality wise. Soon, we agreed that we wanted to live with each other and she sent me a contract drawn up by her attorney.

She wanted a $600 deposit and $600 for the first months rent, but my mom and I agreed to make a visit during my spring break to meet the roommate and see the apartment before I gave all the money. So I sent a moneygram to her attorney to hold my spot.

I figured this was normal. I mean all the times I looked at apartments in Maryville they requested a deposit and some even asked for the first months rents straight up. Even on my apartment in Maryville I put down a deposit like 3 months before I moved in to ensure my spot.

Once I received the contract drawn up by the attorney I had an attorney glance over it to make sure it seemed OK. We made a few minor changes and I emailed her a signed copy back as well as sent a moneygram.

From there, she stayed in contact. She added me on MSN Messenger and we sent emails back and forth. I was busy constantly with school so there wasn't a ton of communication, but there still was some.

About a week before my spring break came I emailed her to remind her I was coming out this weekend. She said it wouldn't be a problem and that she was more than willing to meet me and show me the apartment.

My mom and I flew out to D.C. on Friday night. It was a low elevation flight due to bad weather, but the lights over D.C. were beautiful.

On Saturday, mom and I woke with the notation to meet her at 11am. After we ate breakfast we made a quick stop to the room where I grabbed the camera and we wrote down all the information needed for the apartment. Leaving behind the contract and copy of the moneygram.

We managed to find our way to the apartment after getting turned around a few times and having to detour for construction.

When we walked up to the front door of the "condo" we had to wait at the door to be buzzed in. Once we walked in we proceeded to the front desk where I had to tell the desk clerk who I was wanting to see. I said my "future roommates" name and the lady said, "we don't have anyone by that name."

I told her my reasoning for being at the condos and she said that the room we were looking at had two females not by that name there, but was willing to let us go up and knock on the door. We did and of course, no answer.

From there we went back to the front door where the lady told us to call the police. Before we did we caught a cab back to the hotel and grabbed the contract, moneygram, and printed all the emails between her and I. (Cab=$20)

We then caught another cab back to the condo ($20) where we called and waited on the police to arrive.

As we waited for the police to arrive, mom looked through the classified newspaper section for other housing options. Everything is so expensive! But, we came across a housing option for summer housing/interns. We called and they allowed us to come look, but before we did we spoke with the police.

The police pretty much laughed at us. Yes, I know we made a mistake, but I am in Missouri and need a place to stay in D.C. I can't just go check out every option that comes available. Plus, everyone that I have asked for advice on housing has told me to use craiglists.

Anyways, the police tried to tell us the grammar on the emails was our first clue that it would be a hoax. I said that it was how today's generations writes. (it really wasn't THAT bad) and mom told him that we didn't know if I was speaking to a foreigner because 80% of D.C. area is foreigners. The police just laughed, called us wrong and questioned where I actually I was from because my ID said one place but yet my moneygram came from walmart near school.

There wasn't anything we could do at that point. The police left without taking a police report. So mom and I caught another cab ($20) to the house we called on. The rent is double than what I originally thought I was going to pay. It is a studio apartment and to be honest it was a nice apartment.

I can't apply for it until closer to my move date because they have so many people that come and go, but the lady pretty much guaranteed a place for me. She said she has a lot of interns over the summer.

I am still not sure what I am going to do, but at least we know that there are still options.

Faith

They say college is the years in your life that you are allowed to make bad choices and experiment because after you graduate it's off to the real world.

For me, college has definitely had its ups and downs. There are plenty of moments that I never want to forget, but there are quiet a few that I wish never happened.

My sophomore year was my "crazy" year in college and although it could of been far worse, I am still not proud of it nor do I admit to a lot of the things that happened.

For the longest time I lived my life with no regrets. I never felt like anything was a mistake or regret, just simply a lesson in life. And a something that made me, me.

I am a believer in God. And I believe that if you ask for forgiveness then you shall receive it.

But for some reason I struggled with this idea every time I asked for forgiveness. God has always been there and I knew He was forgiving me, but inside I didn't understand why he would forgive sins like mine.

I have always lived with a huge guilt inside of me. No matter how much I prayed, I honestly didn't feel forgiven.

I can't honestly say what happened between sophomore and junior year, but I changed. I grew up.

I distanced myself from my friends for a semester. When they realized my change, they walked away from me. I did my thing and they did theirs.

I continued to lean on God-- still working on seeking full forgiveness for my past.

I soon realized what I wanted out of life, what my priorities in life were and how I constantly changed myself to please others in many aspects of my life and I didn't want to anymore.

Overtime, I realized that all along God had forgiven me, but I had not forgiven myself. Until I did I would constantly live with the guilt and unwanted memories.

I have learned to let go of the choices I have made in the past. I know that I can't go back and change them, and I've realized that the past is full of "lessons." However, I am now honest with myself and admit that I regret some of it.

I now have my friends back and know that I can still do some of the old things I use to without all the bad decisions that came along. I have also made new friends within the time period and they have impacted my life a lot.

In many ways I live my life more to God these days. I pray more. Put more in His hands. And know that there is a reason to every situation I am in-- and in time I will no the reason. Faith has been my savor.

"Everyday God gives a moment in which it is possible to change everything that makes us happy. The magical instant is the moment during which a yes or no can change our entire existence."

May the Angels protect you, trouble neglect you.

Since my last post, James has called me twice (via Skype), Mon. the 11th and then Thurs. 14th. Usually there is a 3 to 4 day gap in between us talking because he is gone a mission or they shut off communication there for awhile.

I would have to say the gap in not talking is the hardest part. We went from talking everyday to every 3 or 4 days and with 30 minute limitations. I guess the fear is that its been so long.. I hope nothing bad has happened.

James and I talked about that on Thursday when he called. I basically just let it out and said that it makes me nervous when I don't see him online or hear from him for multiple days in a row. He understood this concern and said "no news is good news." Which I suppose is true. Then he followed up by saying I wasn't on the contact list so he can see where I would get nervous. He told me he would tell his brother to contact me if something did happen.

In a way that was a relief. I knew I would always be informed then, only now I pray not to hear from his brother.

We also talked about the dreams I have been having. James doesn't have much to say about them. I think he finds it just as weird as I do. We talked about how he hasn't been remembering his dreams. And again about how I have never had dreams that come true, but every time I dream about him, they come true.

From there you basically say anything you can think of before your 30 minutes is up and let me tell you... it's the fast 30 minutes of your life. And every time, you just want to hold on to the moment and slow down time because you never know when exactly you will hear from him again.

Since Thursday, I hadn't heard from James and he hadn't been online. Usually after a few days I send a facebook to let him know I am still praying for him. That way if he gets online when I am not online, he knows I wish I could be.

Yesterday he was able to get on again. We had way less than 30 minutes together. It was like 2:30 in the morning there so he had to make things quick to let everyone back home know he was okay and then get to bed.

After I talked with him. A couple of my friends came over to watch a movie, "The Hurt Locker." It was a movie about the war in Iraq and what the troops are doing over there.

Throughout the night I woke up at least 5 times due to nightmares. I kept seeing James in full combat. Shooting people. People shooting him. Bombs exploding.

I really thought I had this dream because of the movie, but around 1 p.m. today I talked with James about it. Again my time was short so we pretty much only discussed the dream and then time was up, but to me it doesn't matter as long as I see that he has gotten online or I can just say a few words to him.

I asked James if work went ok, because I woke up like 5 times to nightmares.

He asked like what.

I said, you. You were fighting and shooting and bombs were going off.

He responded with "and I am fine."

From there I knew my dream was true. I hate discussing the dreams because I don't want to freak myself out nor James. We talked about it a little and he told me to think positive things about him before falling asleep. I agreed to try and I said I believe the dreams mean something and as long as he is safe then I can stand them.

James has now been deployed for a month. I still pray everyday for his safe return home.

Dreams

On the 12th of December (I believe it was), I dreamt that James called me and told me he was deploying for Afghanistan. In my dream I had absolutely nothing to say to him. I was scared and speechless of his leaving and so shocked that it came so soon.

After waking up, I thought nothing of the dream. At the end of the day, James got online and we were just casually talking like we had been doing everyday.

All the sudden James said, "Kiley, I am leaving soon."

My dream came true... the only thing was I wasn't speechless.

"There is so much I want to say, but I've said it all," I said. "Then, tell me something new," He said.

"I had a dream about you last night. You called and told me you were deploying." James didn't have much to say about that, but we both kind of ignored it.

From there I told him to be safe, always call his family first (and then me), to listen to "our" songs and think of me and always know you're never alone.

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Later that night I went to sleep and about midnight I woke up after dreaming that James was online (even though he was suppose to be gone by now). I got online to see if this dream was true. Sure enough James was online.

He was writing a letter and doing final goodbyes to his family before going to bed.

James deployed December 14th.

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A few days after New Year's I had another dream. I don't remember any of it, but when I woke up I was scared to death and all I could think about was James. I knew that it had to relate.

I hadn't really talked with James in a few days so I sent him a facebook message saying, I woke up with an uneasy feeling about him and to be careful. And that I am praying for him.

A few minutes later he wrote back telling me they were heading out on a mission and that he would talk to me when it was over. And "thanks for the heads up."

I went all day waiting to hear from him. James made it through safe :)

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On Friday the 8th of Jan. James called me via Skype. It sure was good to hear his voice.

Friday night I dreamt that I was in the unknown place, with harsh living conditions and getting ready for bed. All of the sudden I heard a gun shot and I took off running to see who it was.

I honestly can't say I tied this one back to James because he wasn't really in it except for me thinking about him when I woke up.

On Saturday, I talked with James online and asked what his plans for the day were. He said nothing really, but told me about his day after talking to me via Skype.

Let's just say the dream and his day tied together.

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I don't understand why every dream I have about James comes out true to a point in the end. My mom said maybe I was guardian angel or maybe fate is what is causing this.

At times it's hard to have them all come true, when no other dream of mine has ever came true, but at other times it's like I know he is still safe and protect him.

I'm still praying. Everyday.